


Welcome to Gressenheller High!

by perspicuity



Category: Layton Kyouju Series | Professor Layton Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Comedy, Gen, Satire, more characters will join the cast...eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:37:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3635139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perspicuity/pseuds/perspicuity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gressenheller High is like any other high school: underfunded, run by an overzealous faculty, and completely obsessed with winning the regional bowling tournament. When the bowling team loses their first tournament in 60 years to the neighboring Targent Institute for Triumphant and Talented Youth, principal and bowling coach Bill Hawks demands new talent. Luckily for him, Luke and Flora are forced into joining the team, but don't worry, the rest of the Layton cast is forced to suffer with them! Under Bill Hawks coaching, surely our heroes can beat that dastardly TITTY and reclaim that sweet, sweet bowling throne. Or can they? Ah, I don't know. It's honestly up in the air at this point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Gressenheller High!

 

Descole sauntered into the classroom, his cape floating behind him.

"Hello, pupils."

Today was the first day of school

"Welcome to your..." he trailed off when he caught his reflection on the TV screen at the front of the room. After a few moments of this he remembered what the heck was going on and turned around dramatically. "First day!"

He was met with nothing but gurgles and nose-picking. He had accidentally wondered into a preschool.

While his mind wondered off, one of the goblins came up and pulled on his pants. "Are you my da-da?" the idiot asked. Descole, disgusted by this action, flipped his cape at supersonic speed. The baby blasted through the wall and straight into the middle school. Talk about moving on up in life.

"No, I believe not,” Descole scoffed.

Today was going to be a great day.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The bell rang, and everyone sat in silence.

"Well, where’s our-"

With a crash, the window shattered into a thousand pieces.

 "Hah! Scared you there, didn't I? BAM!" He showed off some of his karate moves and laughed some more.

 "I-I-I'm scared," Flora wept.

"Hah! You children should be!"

Before anybody else could be frightened and sent crying, a buzzer sounded and a voice crackled through the intercom.

"Good morning (for some of you), students! Welcome to your first day at Gressenheller High, a school built on the backs of honesty, integrity, patience, and bowling. For those of you who haven't heard, we aren't, however, built upon the backs of a few lousy, good-for-nothing jackasses like that damned Targent Institution for Triumphant and Talented Youth! But enough of that; I've got to save some for the assembly."

Papers rustled in front of the microphone as the principal cleared his throat. During the lapse of silence, Descole began writing his name on the chalkboard, writing it and rewriting it several times before he thought the product satisfactory.

"Anyway, welcome back, enjoy your day, yadda yadda, and DON'T, I repeat, DON'T be late to assembly. Teachers, remember that assembly is held in the gym - _not_ the stadium. If you go to the stadium, you will be forced to remain there until you repent your sins. Students, if you are late, you will probably burn in the flames of hell for all eternity. Hawks OUT!"

With that thrilling conclusion, the intercom clicked off and left the entirety of the school in stunned silence. The seniors rolled their eyes and thought this speech was a step down from last year, but the freshmen were in various states of soiled-pantsitued.

“Mr. uh..." Luke managed to squeak out.

"Descole!" Descole threw his head back and twirled his cape.

"Mr. Descole, can I go to the bathroom? I.." he gulped before continuing. "I peed my pants."

"No shame, boy, no shame! Be proud of your body! Go on then, wear it with pride!"

"Oh...okay then," the boy sunk down in his seat as the students beside him moved away.

"Now, pupils, we have a solid thirty minutes before assembly! Why don't we introduce ourselves?" Descole pulled the chair from behind his desk and sat it at the front of the classroom. With a flourish of his cape, he turned the chair around and sat in it backwards. He folded his arms on top of the back of the chair. "I'll go first!"

Someone in the back of the class blew their nose. Descole didn't have time for this and sent the kid into the hallway, where he would stay for the next two hours before one of Hawk's security guards picked him up for being late to assembly. He wasn't heard from again for about two weeks, when someone swore they saw working as a cashier in a rundown gas station, with a different haircut and broken arm.

"Okay. Now back to me."

"I enjoy long walks on the beach, Piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I'm not that into yoga, and I have more than half a brain, mind you. I like making love at midnight, and you should probably know that I'm the love that you've looked for." He readjusted his mask before continuing. "Pupils, this is my classroom and you will have to abide by my rules."

He pulled out a list that rolled across the classroom and into the hallway. The roll bumped into the kid out there before continuing through the hall and out the front door.

"First, my name is Descole. Just Descole. No funny business; I have no other name. Do not talk to me. I will talk to you. If I am late and somebody tries to ask where I am, do not answer them. I am always here, is that clear? I am never late."

 The kid behind Luke raised his hand. Descole sent him out into the hall too, and legend has it that his fate was worse than the other kid.

“Second, I am your homeroom teacher for the rest of your high school career. We will become very good friends, I assure all of you! I've even had pupils who started wearing masks and capes! Everyone loves me. Now, who's next?"

 A collective sigh resounded when he abandoned the rest of the list and left it lying in the floor. Descole turned and pointed at the girl directly in front of him. She nodded and stood up.

 All of a sudden, the lights flickered, and the windows blew open. Distant chanting echoed throughout the room. The ground quaked. The floor beneath the girl began to glow. Descole was unmoved.

"I am the power of the Azran-"

 "Yeah, yeah, we get it, we get it. MOVING ON." Descole gestured to Luke. "You, boy who peed his pants, speak."

 "Oh! Well, I, uh." Luke stood up awkwardly, his pants stiff with the now somewhat dry urine. "My name is Luke Triton. I can, uh, talk to animals, I guess. My hat is glued to my head due to an unfortunate accident when I was twelve. Oh! And I am Professor Layton's number one assistant!"

 Without warning, Descole stood from his chair and rushed to the boy. He grabbed ahold of his collar and lifted him 2.5 feet off the ground.

 "Don't. You. Ever. Speak that name in here." He set Luke down and brushed off his hands. "Layton has no business in my classroom, and I can assure you that I have no place in his."

 Someone raised their hand to remind Descole that he had, in fact, actually said Layton's name, but quickly hid their action. Rumor had it that the kids in the hallway never made it back into the classroom.

 "Now that that's out of the way, you, child. Speak." He pointed to Flora this time around. She shook her head and glanced around the room. Luckily for her, the intercom buzzed and everybody's favorite principal began screeching into the mic.

"Assembly time! Assembly time! Everybody get your asses out of your seats, out of the halls, away from the stadium, and into the gym! You kids are about to put the ass in assembly! You too, teachers! Everybody! Assembly time!" Hawks slammed the mic down and chuckled to himself before turning to his secretary. "Dimitri, get my towel. Those kids sure are in for it."

 LATER AT THE ASSEMBLY

 After waiting around thirty minutes for everyone to find their way to the gym and not the stadium, the lights finally began to dim. The room was overcrowded and smelled of sweaty butt, but at least everyone had a seat. Well, everyone except Bad Luck Bobby, who had to sit on the floor and was subsequently chased out by the fire marshall, but that's a different story. When the lights had finally finished dimming (aka had gone out due to the school's lack of funding that fiscal year), Bill Hawks made his way up the makeshift stage and in front of the podium. Dimitri ran after him, clutching a clipboard and dingy Care Bears towel.

Bill Hawks coughed into his fist once he was behind the podium. After a few moments, he coughed again. And then again. Realizing his mistake, Dimitri began apologizing profusely and crouched down on his hands and knees. Satisfied, Hawks smiled and stood on his secretary's back. He could finally see above the podium.

"Students," he began as the microphone let out a deafening whistle. Everyone in the gym clasped their ears, and a few of the overzealous dramatics (Descole) took to fake fainting. Descole, however, hit his head a little too hard on the hardwood floor and was actually knocked unconscious. It took around forty-five minutes for anybody to notice. "Students and faculty! Welcome to Gressenheller High for the second time today! For those of you who don't know, we start every year off with a speech from yours truly!"

A few of the seniors wolf-whistled and clapped, earning them a nod of approval from Hawks.

"Thank you, thank you. See that, freshies? That'll be you in a few years' time. All pepped and full of Gressenheller pride! It brings a tear to my eye, it really does." He wiped his eyes for effect. "Now, I hope you all know your school rules and safety regulations, because, frankly, I don't have time for that bullshit. Someone else can tell you, because this meeting is about high school, not safety! Back to the matter at hand. Congratulations on being accepted into our prestigious school! My lawyer told me that I can't say that, that this is a public school, that showing favoritism oppresses the masses and that you kids really aren't that special, but you know what? Screw my lawyer! Or should I say ex-lawyer, am I right? Hah hah, that's what I said to my ex-wife, too."

Some of the faculty forced a chuckle, but save for someone sneezing, the room was silent. Bill didn't notice the weighty silence and continued laughing to himself. He stopped when Dimitri coughed and pointed his head toward the audience. He glanced around the gymnasium, coughed into his shirt sleeve, then continued.

 "Gressenheller is a great place! And we have an even greater bowling team, if I do say so myself, but more on that later. We have honesty, integrity, patience, and of course bowling, but, like I said, hang on for that one. We are lights in the night sky, guiding lost and wounded souls toward paradise! I'd like to thank the graduating class of '61 for that last line. Good times. We are the future heroes of tomorrow's society! We will solve every one of life's many puzzles!" Bill pounded on the podium, sweat dripping from his forehead. "We are the best! Gressenheller, Gressenheller!"

 A group of students on the front row picked up the chant and began pumping their fists. The spotlight that was focused on Bill Hawks panned down to the students and highlighted each of their pimply and sweaty faces. The chant died down after about five minutes, allowing good old Bill to continue onward.

 "Thanks for that, kids. You truly are the best of the best. Well, now that we're on the subject, I guess, I'll go ahead and introduce you all to the pride of our school: the bowling team!" Six people clapped (all of which were on the bowling team). He waved them up, and all six students walked on stage. The stage began to sag from the added weight, and splintering sounds were heard. Nobody paid any mind, however. "Gressenheller High is world-renowned for its bowling team, and we've won every regional championship for the past sixty years! That is, except for last year."

 One of the concert band students pulled out their violin and began playing.

 "Last year, in the fight of our lives, we lost the title of Regional Bowling Champs to Targent Institution for Triumphant and Talented Youth. We gave it our all, but we should have given it more than that. We lost to that damn Bronev and his sniveling brats! My sniveling brats are a thousand times more talented than those jackasses! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! If I could, I would walk right over there and sock that bastard right in the jaw! Then kick him where it hurts! Show him the pain I felt! Show him-"

 He trailed off when he noticed the nurses running toward the stage, each with a syringe in hand. He stopped, ran his fingers through his hair, fixed his jacket, and then started again.

 "Ahem. Well, I'm the bowling coach. I hope some of you babies will join me in my crusade against Bronev and his titties." He chuckled. The seniors rolled their eyes and the freshmen shifted uncomfortably - they didn't get the joke. "It sure would mean a lot to me if you kids came out for bowling try-outs tomorrow at the community center. There'll be a bus in case mommy can't drive you or your legs give out tomorrow morning. But I'd prefer to see you crawl. Builds character. Now, on to my least favorite part of the assembly, faculty introductions!!"

 The teachers that didn't wind up at the stadium filed onto the stage, crowding the bowling team off. A few popped bubblegum, the gym teachers showed off their muscles, the band director played Taps on her trumpet, and Descole's limp body was dragged onto stage by the nurses.

 Bill started off the introduction with corny jokes that nobody cared about. Luke poked Flora in the arm until she sighed and turned to face him.

"Do you think they realize that Descole actually fainted about thirty minutes ago? Because they sure aren't..." He stopped midsentence when he realized Flora wasn't paying attention to him. He furrowed his eyebrows before turning to the girl on his other side. "Hey, nice light show earlier! The whole demonic chanting might have been a little over the top, but I still think it was a nice touch!"

 "Thank you, Luke Triton. But I didn't do any demonic chanting." She smiled before turning back to the stage. Luke's eyes widened as he did his best to scoot away from Aurora. He was practically on top of Flora by the time he realized that the show was still going.

 "Thank you for that thrilling performance, Mrs. Band Director. Great choice in music, as always. Now, onto the social studies/humanities department! First up, we have the great Dr. Layton!" Hawks's smile was forced, and he made no move to further acknowledge the man in the top hat.

 "Ah, thank you, Mr. Hawks, but it is Professor, you know! Welcome students! I'm certainly sure that you all will enjoy your time here, and I hope to someday have all of you in class!" The professor dipped his hat before moving back into line. Luke stood up and ripped his shirt open, revealing a shirt that read "Professor's #1 Apprentice." He shrieked for added affect. Hawks's security guards nearly took him down, but decided he wasn't actually worth their time.

 "Yes, yes, sure, thank you, Professor Layton. Whatever. Next up: our drama/psychology teacher, Mr. Descole!" The nurses waved Descole's limp hand around, and then threw the man back into a pile on the ground. Their work done, they dusted their hands and left the gymnasium, probably to check on the survivors at the stadium. "Always a comedian, Descole. Third, we have...Miss..."

 "Altava, sir, at your service! Welcome kids! I'm the...business teacher! And economics teacher! I also teach criminal justice second semester. Also, I'm just a student teacher, but nobody wanted to teach me, so I'm stuck teaching you! How's irony for ya? Hah!" She slapped her knee before jumping off the stage. She ran up and down the bleachers, high-fiving everyone as she went. With a holler, she burst through the doors and into the hallway, taking care not to step on Descole's List of Rules. She didn't stop running until she was two towns over.

 "Always a Comedian, Miss Altava. Well, that about wraps it up for this assembly. I'm sure some of you freshies are hungry, but too bad! You have the last lunch, so suck it up and grow a pair. I would like to thank all of you for making it to the gym, and I hope all of you go out for our bowling team! Go Gressenheller!" He jumped off Dimitri, who finally collapsed onto the floor beside the stone cold Descole. Bill wrapped the towel around his neck and patted himself on the back, literally. "Now, come on Dimitri. Time to head down to the stadium and kick some delinquent ass!"

 Bill ran out of the gym, trailed by his squadron of security guards and Dimitri. The group made sure to step over Descole's List of Rules during their stampede.

 The students were then herded out of the gym and into their respective classes, most of their teachers following suit. Descole was one of the few who didn't make it back to class on time(due to the fact that he was still lying unconscious on the stage), but when someone from the office knocked on the door and asked where he was, the class told them that they had no idea what they were talking about. Descole was always there, and he was never late.


	2. The Bowling Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the second day of school, folks!

“Another day, another dollar, class.”

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Descole was teaching another life lesson to his homeroom. It was only the second day of school, and he had already exhausted every life lesson he knew – which was exactly two lessons.

Luke and Flora had taken what would become their normal seats at the back of the classroom, as far away from Descole’s spray-it-not-say-it manner of speaking as possible. Luke balanced a pencil on his upper lip, unsuccessfully I might add, while Flora colored her desk with an eraser. Both tasks were pointless, which is exactly why they annoyed Descole.

“In other words,” he paused before continuing, his boa fluffing up. “You must always…live life to its fullest…and never lead equines to bodies of water.” Another pause. “And that was today’s lesson. I hope you all took notes, because you most certainly should expect a 30 question quiz on equestrian maintenance tomorrow morning.”

Luke dropped his pencil.

  Before Luke could do any fancy footwork to retrieve it, Descole had waltzed over and gently laid his foot atop of the pencil. Luke squeaked. The entire class went silent. The birds stopped chirping. Flora continued drawing on her desk.

“And what is this?!”

A kid at the front whispered something about a pencil. Descole sentenced her to twenty years to life in the hallway. She got out on parole about 6 years in and fled to Canada, and word on the street says she now runs a successful Make-Your-Own Pottery store.

“Uh, a pencil, Mr. Descole,” Luke said. Flora rolled her eyes while simultaneously taking cover in the case Descole literally blew up and sent them all into the hall. “Just a pencil, sir.”

Silence. Nobody breathed. Nobody blinked. The clock stopped ticking, the dogs stopped barking, the earth stopped rotating, and Bill Hawks stopped eating his balanced breakfast of four cheese sticks.

Descole’s lip twitched. Luke’s eyes glazed over as he sank deeper into his seat. Descole inhaled deeply, stood straight, held his arms against his sides, and screamed internally. And screamed. And screamed. And screamed.

It was unholy.

Nobody had ever heard a noise quite like his internal scream, and nobody would ever hear anything like it again. Those who didn’t hear it wouldn’t believe it happened, but maybe they’re the lucky ones. Maybe it’s best to never have heard something like that. Maybe it’s a blessing.

But Luke and Flora heard it. Aurora heard it too, but she thought the Azran had finally awoken from their death slumbers to reclaim their lost territories, so she began chanting. The classroom was illuminated with glowing runes and grids and was practically turned into the 1980s Tron movie, and the entire building began shaking. The girl in the hallway shrieked, Bill Hawks choked on his balanced breakfast of four cheese sticks, and one very disgusted Dimitri successfully revived a medically dead Bill Hawks from Cheese Stick Hell.

All the while, Descole kept screaming.

After approximately five minutes, Descole realized he did, in fact, need to breathe. He gasped for air, which caused Luke to nearly faint and caused Aurora to realize that now was not the time to summon the ancient powers. Flora stared straight ahead, eyes as wide as saucers.

“Now, I shall ask this once more. What is this?” He blew the past events off as if they were nothing. The class became even more frightened by his presence.

“N-nothing, Mr. Descole,” Luke peeped.

“Good boy! Now, does anyone have any questions?”

As if luck actually existed in this world, the intercom beeped and prevented Descole from pressing the matter further. The normally deafening crackle of Bill Hawk’s voice was barely above a whisper after what the class had just experienced.

“Good morning and welcome to your second day at Gressenheller High, students! Before I get on with my usually charade, I’d like to thank my secretary Dimitri for givin’ me that old kiss of life! That smooch of vitality! That peck of zest! That’s what real relationships are about, kiddos. If your buddy is laying cold-stone dead on the ground, you better bet that they’d want you to save their sorry ass from bargaining with the devil. Really, if it weren’t for Dimitri, I would’ve lost that fiddle battle and been forced to actually pay for my sins! Ha!” A loud smack was heard, which could only be assumed as Bill Hawk’s hand against Dimitri’s back. Possibly back. Luke hoped it was Dimitri’s back. Flora hoped it was Dimitri’s back, too. Descole didn’t care and continued practicing writing his name on the chalkboard.

“I would also like to thank everyone who made it to the gym, and not the stadium, yesterday. There was an all-out war between me and the losing side of history on that football field, and I’m glad none of you remaining students had to see that. Wish I hadn’t. So, good job! Now, onto your lunch menu. Cheese sticks with a side of milk, a la mood or however that goes. No chocolate milk for the rest of the month, though. I lost a bet I’d rather not talk about, so let’s just say that’s one negative side effect of that.

“Clubs meeting today are,” he coughed directly into the microphone and shuffled his papers. “Annie May Club. ‘New members! We choose you. Come join us in the library after school for some’…Dimitri, this writing is smudged. Returning members, remember this a G-related club. No body pillows or excessive and unrestrained cleavage. That goes for you as well, Chess team. Let’s see here…Dimitri! Get over here, dammit!”

More shuffling. The class glanced around awkwardly, making sure to avoid eye contact with Descole. Flora finally returned to her earthly form and turned to look at Luke.

“How do we even join these clubs? Isn’t it, like, the second day of school?” She asked. Luke shrugged.

“Oh! Students, the club fair is after school today. But don’t let that get in the way of the REAL event. Bowling try-outs are today at the community center. There will be one bus, so if you snooze, you suck. Be a part of Gressenheller’s proudest everything and join the bowling team today, or else there will be hell to pay! There’s no way I’m letting that damned TITTY win regionals again! Bill Hawks OUT!” The microphone slammed against the principal’s desk.

“Psst, Flora. Hey, Flora.”

“What is it, Luke?”

“I dare you,” he snickered, “to join the bowling team.”

Flora could never resist a dare, except when she could, but this was something that she couldn’t do. Nobody could do this. Nobody was fit for Bill Hawk’s bowling team. It was a miracle the current bowling team was still alive.

Descole coughed into his sleeve, ending the discussion before Flora could. Luke wiggled his eyebrows before Flora turned back to face the front of the class.

Descole’s homeroom descended into silence once more. And it stayed silent until the bell rang for first block. Unfortunately for Luke and Flora, they were the only two from their homeroom who had Descole’s drama class next, which meant they got to share some good quality time with their favorite teacher. At least until someone else walked in, but that wouldn’t be for another five minutes.

“So, Luke Triton and Flora…something. How are you enjoying my class so far?” Descole’s gaze sliced through his mask and cut deep into the two freshman.

They both glanced at each other then back to their teacher. Neither really had an answer, because yesterday’s meeting and Descole’s absence had eaten away their class time.

“It’s okay, I guess,” Flora said. Luke nodded his head before sticking his nose into his notebook. “We really haven’t done anything.”

Descole shrugged and nodded before turning back to his chalkboard. Luke, surprised by this nonchalance, decided it was safe to talk. An awful decision.

“So, Mr. Descole, yesterday you told me not to talk about Professor Layton, and I was wondering why.”

Everyone was shocked by Descole’s velocity in this exchange, including me. So shocked, in fact, that I cannot accurately describe what happened next. All you need to know is that Descole punted Luke directly into the sun, with Flora and the ceiling rats as his witnesses.

Luke was fine after about ten minutes, but that didn’t stop him from peeing his pants the next time Descole called his name.

The rest of first period was relatively uneventful. Descole sat simmering in his chair, leaving the class to pick their noses in silence. He claimed to be thinking of a punishment for Luke besides launching him into space, seeing as he had just done that. Flora, surprisingly unconcerned by the fact Luke was singed and smelled of smoke, handed him a Hello Kitty Band-Aid only when he got a paper cut about twenty minutes into class. The other students, who had heard the rumors and saw the kids standing out in the hall, made sure to not step on Descole’s List of Rules as they walked into the room and to not speak to Descole at all costs.

Second period was a breeze, because Luke spent the entire hour and a half sitting on a toilet and drawing kittens on toilet paper.

Third period was economics, but Miss Altava still hadn’t made it back into town, so the class went out to investigate the carnage at the stadium. It was just as bad as Bill had said it to be.

Flora and Luke ate their lunch at the table in the corner with Aurora, who drank her mashed potatoes through a bendy straw. Luke thought that was a great idea and nearly choked, and Flora vowed that she would never be the Dimitri to his Bill Hawks.

Fourth period was geography, taught by Luke’s favorite person in the entire history of history; only this time, he didn’t have the shirt to prove it. Professor Layton reintroduced himself to the class and started teaching, but he didn’t even make it two minutes into his How the States Got Their Boundaries and Other Ways to Avoid Copyright Laws speech before he was called to the office to help settle a “civil dispute.”

“So, how do you like high school life, Flora? Do you feel like an adult yet?” Luke, glad to finally be sitting in front of Flora, turned to face her. His smile fell quickly. “Because I don’t, and I think it sucks.”

“Well, I guess I’ve had it better than you. I mean, at least I wasn’t kicked to the sun and back. But I agree with you. Even this Layton character isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. Maybe Descole was actually right about something.” Seeing as Layton was actually the legal guardian of both her and Luke, Flora really knew how to deal the low blows.

Luke gasped, pulled up his sleeves and threatened fisticuffs. Flora flicked his nose and sent him reeling.

Layton strolled back into his classroom about fifteen minutes before school was over, glossy eyed and contemplative. Apparently the civil dispute hadn’t gone well. Nobody pressed the matter.

When the bell rang, Luke and Flora were the first to push their way through the door, around the List of Rules and into the hallway. Flora had seen a poster for the Anime Club and wanted to join, and Luke was all for it. They had to be the first to join. They _had_ to be.

But to get to the library, they had to walk past Descole’s room, which, Luke finally noticed, was in the back of the theater. Extreme stealth and planning would be required to skirt around and make it into the library undetected by Descole’s heightened senses, which is exactly why the two just ran straight for the library.

This plan, as predicted, failed miserably.

“Pupils! Halt!”

Luke and Flora froze mid-step.

“I’ve thought of a fitting punishment. Both of you. Come with me.” With his standard cape flourish, Descole led the frightened teenagers to the front of the school and then outside to an awaiting bus. Luke and Flora could do nothing but follow him, because not following his orders would surely be worse than what was about to happen. Maybe.

“Mr. Descole, where are you taking us?” Flora asked. No response. It wasn’t until she saw Dimitri, clipboard in hand, standing beside the bus that it dawned on her. She had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. This was her fate. She had to accept it.

Descole and Dimitri exchanged a few words, with the former pointing at Luke the whole while. Luke nervously shifted from foot to foot and chewed on his nails. Flora stood motionless.

“Flora and Luke Triton, your punishment for defying me and interrupting class is as follows: you will be forced to try-out for the bowling team. And if you make it, you will be forced to remain on the team for the entirety of the season. Have fun.” Descole made to walk away, but Flora grabbed his cape at the last second.

“Why me? I didn’t do anything! Besides, it wasn’t even during class! We were the only ones in there.” She sounded more and more desperate with each word.

“Why you? By association. Only ones in there? Then there’s no one to back up your claim or dispute mine. Besides, didn’t I hear you dare each other to try-out? Good day, pupils. Have fun.” With that, he sauntered off and dove into the nearest open window. A man shrieked from inside the room.

“Luke, what have you done? You’re always dragging me down with you! Always!” Flora halfheartedly began pounding Luke on the top of the head but quickly settled into a reserved – and pained –silence.

“I don’t know what I did!” Luke tried not to look stunned when Flora punched his arm. “Honestly! I just asked about Prof-“ He stopped short when he thought he heard Descole’s heavy breathing.

“Ah, children. Come to try out for the bowling team? Principal Hawks will be delighted to see some new faces on the team. Come along now, the bus leaves in a few minutes.” Dimitri waved the two into the bus and gave them the best smile he could possibly muster. Who was he kidding? Those kids were doomed. Just as doomed as he was.

Luke and Flora shared a glance before stepping into the bus and sitting in the seats carved with the least profane words. They sat there for five minutes before Dimitri climbed into the driver’s seat and shut the doors.

“Looks like it’s just us today, kids.” Dimitri adjusted the mirror and started the bus. At least it wasn’t just him today.

The bus managed to pull out of the parking lot without hitting any students and was soon chugging down the highway. They reached the community center in a matter of minutes. Dimitri had to pry Flora’s hands from the seat and drag her into the bowling alley, while Luke went willingly, albeit in a zombie-like state.

The three walked in on Bill being restrained by five police officers.

“Quit? Quit?! QUIT?! They can’t just QUIT the bowling team! Who gave them that idea? Who said they had a right to quit Bill Hawks’ bowling team? Jackasses! Every last one of them! And you, too!” He struggled to relieve himself of the guard that had him in a headlock. After elbowing him in the face, he managed to break free and rush to Dimitri’s side. “Dimitri! Can you believe this bullshit? Those knuckleheads quit the team!”

“I heard, sir, and I’m terribly sorry.” Dimitri had actually known they had quit the team about five hours earlier, but nobody wants to mess with an angry Bill. “But these two came to try-out.”

“Morons! Idiots! They – wait. These two came to try out?” He stepped closer to Luke and Flora, inspecting their faces, pulling at their hair, kicking Luke’s shins. “These two? I suppose they’re better than nothing, but…”

“I did as well.” Aurora stepped from the shadows, revealing herself, causing everyone to wonder how she got there. “I sat in the back of the bus, in case you were wondering.”

Everyone just accepted that and moved on.

“Well, that makes three hooligans, but…Dimitri! You are now an honorary member! Congratulations!” The principal slapped him on the back, and this time around, both Luke and Flora were _sure_ Bill slapped him on the back.

The bowling alley doors slid open and a young woman strolled inside, her hair in a messy ponytail and her yellow jacket tied around her waist. She stepped into the middle of the group.

“Howdy, hello, everyone! What’d I miss?” She leaned against Luke for support and looked expectantly around.

“Miss Altava! Back from your jog already? Do you want to be a member of Gressenheller High’s Bowling Team?” Bill folded his arms.

“Do I?”

“Do you?”

“Do I?”

“I’m not giving you a choice.”

“I sure as heck do!”

“Well that’s settled, then. Hat boy, tall girl, Dimitri, creepy girl, Altava…who else can I wrestle into this?” He looked around the room, from the pile of security guards to the soda fountain in the corner.

“Professor Layton would probably join us, sir!” Luke chimed in. Bill grimaced, but Dimitri quickly whispered something into his ear, causing him to reluctantly agree.

“Anyone else?”

The five new members of the bowling team glanced around the room. Flora rested her finger on her chin thoughtfully before realizing something.

“Aha! I know who else will join.”

She was met with a murmur of confusion.

“I’m sure Descole would love to be a part of this.”

Luke burst into laughter before realizing that would mean being around Descole for longer than necessary. Everyone else seemed okay with the suggestion. Flora’s plot for revenge was set into motion.

“Great, great. All right! Another successful day at the bowling alley, thanks to yours truly! Everyone go home, get some rest, and be ready to practice tomorrow! We’ve got some TITTYs to beat!”

With that, Hawks ran out of the building and into the bus, beckoning Dimitri to hurry up and get the heck out of there, before the cops woke up. He was determined to never go to prison, and so far he was doing a damn fine job of that.

Luke and Flora were left to themselves as everyone else wandered over to the soda fountain. They stared at an old man as he failed to let go of the bowling ball and was sent rolling down the lane after it.

“Well,” Luke said.

“Yep,” Flora replied.

What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we get to the actual bowling team. After two chapters, I'm sure you were on the edge of your seat, just waiting for when we would finally get a chance to see some Hot Bowling Action. Too bad I didn't deliver.
> 
> Now that everyone's on the bowling team, thing will start moving. Everyone, save for the kids at TITTY, has been introduced, so now I can finally get to some good ole character interaction. Nothin' like it.
> 
> Also, because nobody cares nor asks, here's the Luke and Flora's (Aurora's too) newly revamped schedules!  
> 8:00-8:30 - Homeroom (overseen by the talented Jean Descole)  
> First - Drama (taught by the talented Jean Descole)  
> Second - Psychology (taught by the talented Jean Descole) (a triple whammy)  
> Third - Economics, I guess (taught by the talented Emmy Altava)  
> Fourth - Geography (taught by the talented Hershel Layton)  
> After School 3:15-probably 12 AM - Bowling (coached by the not-so-talented Bill Hawks)
> 
> What will happen next time on Welcome to Gressenheller High? Stay tuned to find out!


	3. Practice Makes Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are folks! It's time to actually get to the whole bowling thing.

“And I would personally like to thank those of you who came out to the community center yesterday! You kids are the best damn students anyone could ask for! So congratulations to Luke Triton and Flora What’s-Her-Name! You’re the new faces of Gressenheller High, so don’t let me down! Or else. Bill Hawks OUT!”

Flora made a face and turned to Luke, who snorted obnoxiously, earning him another Flora Look. Descole looked over his stack of paperwork and thought about doing something but decided against it.

Descole was mad.

Mad wasn’t the right word. Angry? Furious? Enraged? Infuriated. That’s what he was. Jean Descole was infuriated. He was being forced to join the student bowling team at the consequence of losing his job. The losing his job part wasn’t the problem; he had been trying his best to get fired for years now. The only thing he hadn’t tried was killing a man. Well, technically he had killed his hopes and dreams and former self and everything that went along with that, but that was intangible. But that didn’t stop it from hurting.

 No, Descole was not infuriated because he would lose his job if he didn’t comply. He was infuriated because bowling practice cut into his Descole Dates. Descole Dates were the best part of every day; Descole Dates were all about Descole and nothing but Descole. Descole Dates were the only reason Descole continued to exist – without them, he would implode and return to the nothingness from which he arose. Descole Dates _were_ Descole.

And now he would have to deal without.

In a few weeks he’ll realize how stupid Descole Dates actually are, but he doesn’t realize that yet. But that doesn’t stop it from hurting.

Luke caught Descole’s glare and immediately turned to the window. Heavy clouds filled the sky, and the forecasters were predicting a storm of a different kind. Luke thought they were talking about Descole, but Flora thought they were talking about Bill Hawks. Aurora understood that a 60% chance of storms meant that it might rain, but nobody asked how she felt.

The bell rang and Descole didn’t acknowledge it. An hour and a half of silence passed and then the bell rang again; Descole didn’t blink. Another hour and a half – Descole barely breathed. Again – Descole leaned against his right hand instead of his left. Again – someone threw a book at his head, knocked his mask off, and ran out screaming before they could see anything. Descole snorted and wiped the drool from his mouth. He looked at the raging storm outside and then to the clock. Looks like it’s time.

Bowling practice time.

          

* * *

 

               

“You think anybody realized Descole fell asleep during homeroom?” Luke side-stepped an open door, just grazing his elbow. And by just grazing I mean completing shattering his funny bone. He choked back tears and attempted to say something else, but he ended up writhing on the floor in pain.

“You didn’t until Aurora said something.” Flora ignored Luke and continued walking. Aurora nodded but didn’t say anything. She had claimed Luke and Flora as her New Friends and intended to keep them under her surveillance at all times. They hadn’t been out of her line of sight in nearly sixteen hours.

The three were heading to lunch, after having faced the trials of Homeroom, Drama, and Psychology. But then again they really weren’t trials, seeing how Descole was stone-cold out today.

For whatever reason, Emmy still hadn’t made it back to her classroom, so the kids were sentenced to take up valuable real estate in the cafeteria. This saved the school money, because they didn’t need to pay for a substitute and they made more money because the kids got bored and continually bought food for a solid hour or so.

Luke, Flora, and Aurora utilized this time to reflect on their situation.

“Can you believe we actually have to bowl?! Actually be a part of the team? Actually participate? I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I should be forced to do this.”

“Geez, Flora. Give it a rest,” Luke mumbled between mouthfuls of mashed potatoes and cheese sticks (today’s special). “That’s all you’ve been complaining about! Bowling-this, bowling-that! Wah, wah, I’m a toddler and all I can do is cry!”

Flora punched him.

“I pooped my pants and all I do is complain about it and bowling!” Flora punched him so hard the potatoes went up his nose.

“Why must you always take things so far, Luke?” Aurora asked. She took a break from drinking her potatoes to watch Luke writhe on the floor for the second time that day. “You always take things too far.”

“You’re the one who always takes things too far! You are!” He was whimpering now.

Luke eventually removed the vegetable remnants from his nostrils, but he remained on the floor. He said he liked it better that way. Flora had no problem with that and used him as a foot rest. Aurora drew aliens on the table with a permanent marker. Flora drew a candid portrait of Bill Hawks.

When the bell rang, fourth period was nearly over, because someone had forgotten to set the bell for that day. That someone was Bill Hawks, but Dimitri was the one whose pay was docked for that blunder. Bill Hawks was the one in charge of signing the faculty’s paychecks.

Professor Layton had everybody play the Name Game, with Aurora winning for knowing three people’s names (a new record). Luke asked when they were going to get to the actual class. Layton laughed his characteristic gentleman laugh. Luke’s question was never answered.

When the bell rang, Layton forced Luke, Flora, and Aurora to stay in his class.

“Luke, Flora, it seems that you failed to mention something at dinner yesterday. I know it might be difficult, but it’s alright. These things happen.”

“I didn’t do it I swear! It’s Aurora! She did it!” Flora nearly got on her knees and cried. Aurora just stared ahead. Luke started sniffling.

“Ah, well, I’m sure she had nothing to do with this. But then again, I heard she joined too. The bowling team, I mean. And I was told that you, my boy, requested that I chaperone? Very well then. I’d be happy to help you three help this school. Bill Hawks asked me to follow you three to practice today, but I assumed when you said chaperone, you meant the games. No matter. I’ll meet you three at the bus loading area, but before you go, be sure to ask Mr. Descole to come along with us. Dimitri mentioned him in that list of his, so I assume he’s chaperoning as well.”

Layton shooed the children out the door before putting on his jacket. How did he get involved in this? Why did he say yes when Clark asked if Luke could stay in the city? They have better schools, he said. He’ll get a better education, he said. Why, he can even go to that school you work at, he said. He’ll be great, he said. Layton was beginning to feel the slightest bit of doubt.

Luke ran his pen along the lockers, causing a terrible racket. Flora trudged along but tried to pep herself up. Aurora wrote incantations in her purple glitter notebook.

After a game of nose-goes, Luke had to retrieve Descole and drag him to the Bowling Bus. Not wanting to risk his life, he took Aurora’s notebook and chucked it. His aim was a little too good, and he knocked the mask off the man. Luke squealed and sprinted out before Descole could react. Flora drug Aurora behind her, and the three made it to the bus in record time. They hesitated when they saw the torrential flood of rain.

Dimitri, wearing a yellow rain jacket, smiled and waved them inside, where Layton had already claimed the first seat. Descole, sopping wet, sauntered up the stairs around ten minutes later, and the bus began its journey two miles down the road.

"Get out, get out, get out! Late, late, late! All of you! And you, Dimitri! I never thought you would be this late!”

Bill Hawks was waiting impatiently at the entrance of the community center. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an understatement. Bill Hawks was furiously stamping his feet and shouting. In the rain. Without an umbrella or coat.

"Sir, you’re early,” Dimitri stated, but then, quieter, “but at least we were able to show up. It’s a miracle they haven’t tried to quit the team yet.”

Sighing, Hawks turned on his heel and stomped into the building. The sliding doors refused to open for him, forcing him to wait for Dimitri to hit the button on the left wall. Hawks continued into the building, leaving the remainder of the team outside in the rain.

Luke held his backpack over his head, Flora faced the storm like a real trooper (much like Bill Hawks), and Aurora somehow managed to remain completely dry. Descole shrieked and made a break for it, stopping only for the sliding doors. Layton had walked inside while Dimitri and Bill were talking.

The bowling alley was empty, save for the bored cashier at the concession stand. Emmy was doing push-ups in the far corner, and Bill Hawks was fuming at one of the tables near the soda fountain. Neon lights pulsated and lit the confetti-patterned floor. 80s synth music played from the two working speakers.

Luke and Flora were mesmerized. They hadn’t really had a chance to admire their surroundings yesterday, but now that they had the chance, they took it all in. Though there really wasn’t that much. Excited by the overload of tacky colors, Luke rushed into the room and ran around, while Flora could only stand and stare. Aurora thought that she had seen better bowling alleys before and sat at the nearest bench to put on her custom, alien-print bowling shoes.

Once Dimitri had finished drying Bill Hawks with that dingy Care Bears towel, Hawks called the team members to his table.

“Alright, future TITTY milkers, get on over here. Today’s our, surprise, first day of practice. Now, I’m a firm believer in the “practice makes perfect” shindig, so you’re going to practice your sweet bottoms off until you reach something so much better than perfect you combust. And if you don’t combust, you aren’t trying hard enough.” Bill glared directly into Luke’s frightened eyes. “And because you all had to be oh so late today, for your first practice, nonetheless, we’re staying another hour extra. Hope your schedules are clear until 2 in the morning, pipsqueaks.”

Descole pushed the bathroom door open to find the team getting a face full of Hawks spit. He wiped his damp hands on the man walking into the restroom and shrugged. He made his way to the seat next to Emmy, sat down and propped his brand-spanking-new Hot Stuf bowling shoes on the table. Directly in front of Bill. While Bill was talking.

Bill nearly had a heart attack. Dimitri had to restrain him and threaten him with the bear tranquilizer while Descole filed his nails. Luke and Flora scooched their chairs back a good fifteen feet or so, and Aurora felt a fear unlike any before. Emmy bought a large order of nachos from the concession stand.  

After Bill had calmed enough to speak actual words, Dimitri suggested Bill limit his pep talks to two minutes in order to prevent an early death. Bill called his advice “a load of elephant shit” before continuing his tirade.

“As I was saying before Descole here interrupted, today we’re going to practice holding the ball. Thought you might actually get to bowl? No, bowling is a sacred act reserved for only the most capable.” A woman in the background lost her footing, causing her to simultaneously fall on her rear and chuck the ball she was holding straight through the roof. A cascade of rain began pouring into the alley. “If you are going to bowl, you must first be able to hold the bowling ball. Not too difficult you might think, but you clearly haven’t ever heard of the Bill Hawks Hold. But guess what? Now you have heard of the Bill Hawks hold, and now you’re going to become experts of the Bill Hawks Hold. Prepare yourselves, heathens.”

He signaled to Dimitri, who pulled a glittering black bowling ball from Hawks’ bag. Bill grabbed the ball and held it at arm’s length in front of him. The bowling team observed the act and whispered amongst themselves. Layton could only raise his eyebrows and glance at his watch. They hadn’t even been at the alley for thirty minutes.

“Now watch and learn,” Hawks said as he continued to hold the ball. “This is the Bill Hawks Hold. This is what you’re going to be practicing today. This is all you will be practicing today.”

Luke and Flora exchanged worried glances. Descole stopped filing his nails to exchange a glance with Emmy, who was oblivious to everything but her nachos. Layton sighed. Aurora raised her hand.

“Mr. Hawks, sir, you’re saying we’re just going to hold the bowling ball? For the rest of practice? For approximately ten hours straight, if you’re truly intending for us to be here until early morning?”

“Yes.”

“That’s…fair enough.” Aurora’s past sports endeavors had actually been far more excruciating, which somewhat skewed what she saw as “unacceptable.” The other team members groaned, but Bill shot them a death glare.

“Bill brought along Gressenheller High’s private bowling ball collection for you to use in the case you’re allergic to public bowling balls. They’re in the cases near the door, so feel free to get one.” Dimitri waved the team away; okay, he pushed, shoved, and dragged the members to the door.

Once everyone had begrudgingly gone to pick a ball, Dimitri pulled Bill to his side. “Sir, isn’t this a bit absurd? These people are amateurs, and they’re going to need all the practice they can get if we’re going to beat TITTY at regionals. And I mean actual bowling practice, actually bowling, actually standing somewhere near the alleys and throwing those balls. This is already hopeless enough, as it is.”

“Hopeless, Dimitri? And to believe I thought you were my plucky, optimistic sidekick. You upset me. These babies need to learn the basics. Gotta be able to poop their diapers before they can poop the toilet. When have I ever not known how to train brilliant bowlers?”

“Uh, I suppose you’re correct, sir. My apologies.” With that, Dimitri walked over to the concession stand to order some food. It was going to be a long night.

Luke struggled to even hold the ball with both hands, not to mention actually putting his fingers in the holes and holding it correctly. Flora could at least manage to pick the ball up, but holding it for any amount of time was out of the question. Aurora and Emmy had an easier time, and the two were already holding theirs at arm’s length and discussing astrology. Descole made sure to keep at least twenty feet between Layton and himself, but because his concentration was focused mostly on that, he kept dropping the bowling ball.

Bill continued barking techniques and shouting instructions until everyone was able to hold their bowling balls for at least a solid minute. Dimitri decided his job was to keep track of the time and the current record (a whopping 2 minutes and 3 seconds). He paid far more attention to the former, however. Ten minutes. Thirty minutes. An hour. The clock struck five just as someone broke the record with 4 minutes and 28 seconds.

“Mr. Hawks, Mr. Dimitri, can we please have a break? My stomach is about to fold in on itself. I think I’m dying.” Luke was hunched over, grasping his stomach while still managing to grasp the bowling ball. “I’m so hungry.”

“Geez, me too. We’ve been at this for hours, and I think we’re obligated to some sort of break.” Flora mimicked Luke’s position, but leaned on him for support. Layton silently nodded. Descole wept softly. Emmy and Aurora didn’t really care because the two had shared a large order of nachos.

Bill Hawks and Dimitri refused to acknowledge the team and proceeded playing solitaire on their smart phones. The bowling alley went silent, save for Descole’s whimpering and the ever-present 80s synth pop that was still playing in the background.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Gressenheller’s famous team of bowling babies. Whining as always, eh?” The sliding doors opened to reveal a lanky figure wearing a pair of basketball shorts, socks, and sandals. Lightning struck menacingly behind him and the hole in the roof. “I guess that’s expected from a bunch of babies.”

“But you already said that. Wait, who are you, and why do you think you can call us babies?” Flora was yelling obnoxiously loud. The stress was starting to get to her.

“Tch, you mean you don’t know who I am?”

“Not really. You’re kinda standing in the shadows.”

“Oh, sorry.” The boy stepped out of the shadows. “Can you see me now?”

“Yeah.”

“Great,” he said as he struck a pose. “You mean you don’t know who I am?”

“Still, not really,” Flora repeated. “Am I supposed to know? Luke, hey, do you know who he is? He says he doesn’t know, either.”

“What?!” He clutched his chest. “To believe that Gressenheller High’s bowling team cannot remember the man who single-handedly crushed them at regionals last year! Did you fools block that out of your memories? I suppose a loss that terrible would be better forgotten, but honestly! I can’t believe you people! God!”

He walked slowly into the room to stand in front of Luke and Flora. Composing himself, he inhaled deeply and wiped the sweat from his brow.

“What are you doing? You’re honestly creeping me out, man.” Luke stepped away from him, nearly knocking Layton off his feet. Luke recovered and waddled back to Flora in embarrassment.

“What am I doing? More like, what are _you_ doing?” He pointed to the bowling balls in their outstretched hands. “Whatever it is, it’s pretty stupid. But I suppose that’s to be expected. You _are_ Gressenheller High’s bowling team, after all. Oh, burn!”

With a smirk, he knocked the ball from Luke hands, causing it to land directly on Flora’s foot. Flora jumped on top of Luke, who once again fell back against Layton, who threw his ball at Descole’s back. Descole was sent flying forward and on top of Emmy, who screamed and woke Aurora from her meditation. Afraid that she was being attacked by unholy demon beasts, Aurora impulsively began shouting incantations, which caused two lights to explode and the rest to turn green and flash rapidly. Dimitri stood up, knocked the phone from Bill’s hands, and rushed to calm Aurora. The cashier at the concession stand sunk beneath the counter and prayed for salvation.

The boy stood to the side, his mouth agape.

Minutes passed, and soon the majority of the lights had returned to normal. The majority of the team, save for Descole, was massaging their newfound injuries and attempting to apologize for said injuries.

Bill Hawks was furious.

“Why, you damned moron! Look what you’ve done! You’ve gone and wasted some damn valuable practice time with your damn jokes and pranks! I oughta have your neck for what you’ve…” Bill paused just short of a punch when he reached the boy. His grimace contorted and twisted far more than a human face should allow. “You…”

“Me?” He asked innocently. He held a finger to his chin and point to himself. Bill and the boy stared at one another for a solid minute, Bill glaring up and the boy smiling down.

But Bill Hawks would never be ready for what came next.

The boy broke down laughing. Slapping his knee. Guffawing. Tears streamed down his cheeks and waterfalled off his face. He doubled-over, laughing continually. A shocked Bill could only stare in horror and repulsion.

“Of course,” snicker snicker, “it’s me.” Chuckle. “Of course!” Knee slap. “Of course it’s me!” Guffaw.

The bowling team gawked at the boy. Flora was the only one who could manage to speak.

“Who are you?!”

He controlled himself just long enough to wipe the tears from his eyes and glance up.

“Targent Institute for Triumphant and Talented Youth’s bowling captain.” He smirked. “The name’s Clive Dove. Pleasure to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, okay. Maybe it's not exactly time to get to the whole bowling thing. We came close, though, right? Relatively close. In the approximate vicinity of close.
> 
> Once we get through the first game, things will really start to take off. Hopefully. That is, if I remember to update. But it's summer, so anything could happen!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello everyone! Thanks for reading! This first chapter's writing is...off, because it was typed mostly in skype as a joke. It improves, I swear! Seriously, I'll upload the first two chapters today so you can see. Please believe me.
> 
> Anyway, this isn't so much of a parody because...I'm legitimately into writing a comedic high school AU for the Layton characters. So I'm seriously writing a non serious work.
> 
> Will we ever learn why Bill Hawks hates the stadium so much? Will Emmy ever return from her extended jog? Will Luke stop peeing his pants? Find out next time on Welcome to Gressenheller High!


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